The Nasty Guard

» Under Jakob’s Ladder (2011, USA)

Under Jakob's Ladder - Jeff Stewart as Jakob Seel

It might have been because I kept switching between election updates and the football scores while watching this, but it didn’t have the impact on me that I presume its makers wanted. Or maybe - despite me knowing virtually nothing about the pre-war Russian penal system - it was because it seemed more like a cheap re-creation of a village pokey than the Siberian gulag I had somehow preconceived.

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Posted on July 9th, 2016 at 5:52 pm. Updated on January 1st, 2017 at 9:02 am.

» Hellcage: Inmate 611 Part 2 (2007, Japan)

Hellcage: Inmate 611 Part 2 - Harumi Nemoto as Reika Wada and

Fans of Akira Kiuchi have every right to feel cheated. Kiuchi plays Sayaka Mizschima - the Inmate 611 of the title - but gets to say, by my reckoning, just six words (maybe fewer in Japanese) in the entire film (’Five’ when counting off, ‘M’am’, ‘No, m’am’, and ‘I’m terrible’ when asked about her ping pong prowess). There is way more ping pong than Sayaka. (more…)

Posted on June 26th, 2016 at 1:49 pm. Updated on June 26th, 2016 at 1:49 pm.

» Hellhole: Inmate 611 (2007, Japan)

Hellhole: Inmate 611 - Akira Kiuchi as Sayaka Mizushima and Jaguar Yokota as Guard Keiko Mikawa

An odd, boring film. Oddly boring. On the basis of a number of reviewers bemoaning the lack of lesbian sex and shower scenes, I thought that this might be a women’s prison movie with something to say. It isn’t and doesn’t. It does, however, aim to educate, giving a helpful rundown on the prisoners’ day and explaining various aspects of prison life - such as that the reception process is known as ‘red fall’ because inmates used to wear red clothing, and that prison food is known as ‘Mossou chow’, a mossou being the bowl from which the food is eaten. These are useful pieces of information. But all this illumination is interrupted by several less edifying and rather tedious sex scenes where the gratuitous wearing of underwear and draped bedclothes adds substantially to the degree of difficulty. And very little else happens in the rest of the film. (more…)

Posted on June 18th, 2016 at 8:57 pm. Updated on June 26th, 2016 at 1:57 pm.

» Hari ng selda: Anak ni baby ama 2 (2002, Philippines)

Hari ng selda: Anak ni baby ama - Robin Padilla as Anghel

I haven’t had access to this with subtitles, sadly. And I’m not even sure of what the title means; Tagalog is notoriously tricky. I think it means something like: ‘King of the cell: Son of the baby father’, but it could just as easily be ‘King of the cell: his fling with a little rich kid.’ (more…)

Posted on April 25th, 2016 at 7:57 pm. Updated on April 25th, 2016 at 7:57 pm.

» Boys Behind Bars 3 (2015, UK)

Boys Behind Bars 3 - Debra Chant as Carol and Wade Radford as Darrell

The third episode of this trashy ‘cult exploitation franchise’ sees us return to Young Offenders Institution Barker’s Ludge and the unholy alliance between prisoner Darrell (Wade Radford) and pneumatic Wing Governor, Alison Muncher (Honey Bane). Its publicity claims a cult following, but this is as close to unwatchable as you can get; a following of any kind is remarkable. (more…)

Posted on April 11th, 2016 at 9:43 pm. Updated on April 11th, 2016 at 9:53 pm.

» The Stanford Prison Experiment (2015, USA)

The Stanford Prison Experiment - Michael Angarano as 'guard' Christopher 'John Wayne' Archer and 'prisoners'

I’m not aware of any other psychology experiment that has spawned three films; I don’t think that poor Ivan Pavlov can boast even one movie, notwithstanding Pavlov’s Dog (2005). And I’m not sure why, after two perfectly sound movies in Das Experiment (2001) and The Experiment (2010), it was seen to be worthwhile to make yet another film based on Dr Philip Zimbardo’s famous 1971 experiment examining the psychology of prison - its impact on prisoners and guards. (more…)

Posted on March 28th, 2016 at 11:59 am. Updated on March 28th, 2016 at 11:59 am.

» Vendetta (1986, USA)

Vendetta - Karen Chase as Laurie Collins, with a wrist lock on Kay Butler (Sandy Martin)

Vendetta has all the standard ’80s trademarks you’d expect - prisoners with big hair and wearing workout gear like they’d just stepped out of a Flashdance or Let’s Get Physical video - but no-one (at least in prison) seems to be held accountable for much. Wasn’t glasnost an ’80s thing? (more…)

Posted on March 21st, 2016 at 8:00 pm. Updated on March 21st, 2016 at 8:00 pm.

» Boys Behind Bars 2 (2014, UK)

Boys Behind Bars 2 - Wade Radford as Darrell and Honey Bane as Mizz Alison Muncher

The first Boys Behind Bars (2013) was a cheap and nasty film saved from being solely an exercise in debasement by an engrossing performance by Wade Radford as the most diabolical of three prisoners who prey on a younger, vulnerable fourth. While Radford reprises his role as Darrell from the original film, this sequel has absolutely nothing to commend or redeem it. It is a very strong contender for the worst prison film I’ve seen. (more…)

Posted on March 14th, 2016 at 4:23 pm. Updated on March 14th, 2016 at 4:32 pm.

» Toy Story 3 (2010, USA)

Toy Story 3

I’d seen several ‘top prison movie’ lists that include Toy Story 3, but was a little dubious. I’d imagined toys escaping from a toy box and had guessed it was a very long bow to liken it to a prison breakout… a bit like trying to draw an analogy between the whale in Free Willy and a prisoner’s quest for freedom. But I was wrong; a prison escape (of sorts) it is. (more…)

Posted on March 9th, 2016 at 11:23 am. Updated on March 9th, 2016 at 11:29 am.

» SPL2: A Time for Consequences (2015, China / Hong Kong)

SPL2: A Time for Consequences - Jing Wu as Chan Chi-Kit

Why is it that I have less difficulty with an absurd action flick out of Hong Kong - replete with series of extraordinary coincidences, implausible plot twists, and heroes and villains alike being shot, stabbed and pounded to little or no effect - than a similarly ludicrous movie out of Hollywood? I have no idea. (more…)

Posted on March 5th, 2016 at 7:36 pm. Updated on April 27th, 2016 at 8:31 pm.